Emptiness . . . . . . .

Many of you know my mom died on June 21. And if you were one of the people who were lucky enough to know her you know about the emptiness. If you didn't know my mom I'd like to take a minute of your time to introduce her to you.

Clare Anne, was an amazing woman who pulled herself up from the very bottom, not completely on her own, however she took many of the most difficult steps to becoming the woman that she was before she died. She went to college when she was in her late 30's to become a social worker in the hopes of paying it forward in a way. She later earned her masters. She was very gifted at allowing people to see their potential and then assisting them in their journey toward the goals that they set together. She was an amazing social worker and was damn good at it.

She loved the breeze on a summer night like tonight, flowers, birds, the lake, ducks, seagulls, deer, fresh veggies, art, painting, rocks, music, laughter, a cold beer, the sight and smell of an Iowa field as it is tilled in the spring, her grand children, her daughters,her son in law, her friends who were all part of her family. She was a deeply spiritual, she was a woman of the world, she didn't consider herself one thing or another, she was authentically human with faults and failures and was often triumphant. She was a fighter til the end. My mom was a lover of life, she loved throwing a party. Even the smallest gathering was festive. She would have loads of pretty candles and party napkins (always at BARGAIN prices). She loved getting all sorts of people together to celebrate holidays, especially those who otherwise wouldn't have somewhere to go. She was a champion of the underdogs and the forgotten. She took her passion with her everywhere. She worked in Romania for a time, this experience changed her in many ways. One way was that she became even more committed to helping others, loving and caring for others, often time at her own expense. Everyday she fought for her clients in Door County, she would go out of her way to be sure all had their daily needs were met. She was personally touched by all the people she worked for and with. And many of those people made a great effort to be sure that she knew how much she was loved before she died. She received cards and letters which my sister and I read to her while she was in the hospital and nursing home. They brought all of us joy and many times we cried, but knowing that we weren't the only people who would be missing her was a comfort. Also, I know that for mom she was so pleased to know that her life was worth the wild ride...

The emptiness I feel is sometimes overwhelming, and at times I can feel her hand in mine reminding me of how much she loved me and that everything is okay. I can hear her voice, and I find peace in that fact.

I know that this experience is not unique...it will happen to each of us.

But know for me, my grief is unique and it is difficult to be an island....surrounded by the vast emptiness.

love to all